Something about wishes being horses

Sometimes I wish life were a giant Etch-a-Sketch. I have positively no talent for either, but at least with the Etch-A-Sketch everything is fixed with a couple of shakes and then, poof. Nothing.

Well, ok, maybe I should say I wish my brain were an Etch-a-Sketch.

Or, you know, maybe I should just go to bed.

Stuck

One of the main motivators I've been using to try to find a new job was that I don't get paid enough at my current job. And, for what I do, I don't get paid enough. Unfortunately, my W2 came in the mail today and seeing just how much extra dough my overtime nets me was quite shocking. It put me in an entirely different pay bracket!

Needless to say, the chances of me finding a job in a new(ish) field that will pay me as much as I am making now (including overtime) AND offer me the same level of benefits and paid time off are pretty much slim to none. At least in this economy.

I hear your unasked question - Aren't you miserable there, though? Well, yes and no. The job itself has improved a lot over the past month or so. My personal problems with a few of my managers continues, but it balances out with the great friends I have there to vent and commiserate with. The ex working 50 feet from me isn't the best, but he and I are still friendly (closest description I could come up with) so even that isn't as horrible as it once was.

It isn't what I want to do with my life, but I am 24. Its paying my bills and keeping me healthy. I get to take time off to relax a bit and decompress. I have friends there. It could be a lot worse.

Sigh. I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

I have a much longer post in the works

Meant to update the blog this weekend, but instead I slept for a total of 26 hours and spent the rest of my time prone on the living room couch half watching FRIENDS and half zoned out. I have no idea what's up with that, but hopefully it will be done with by morning. Zoning out at work tends to lead to very unhappy people in Argentina and Costa Rica.

What to expect in my forthcoming update of epicness:

1. Obama highlights
2. Navel Gazing
3. Some really vague wonderings about the future and what I might do with it

For now, though, I am going to bed. I really seem to like it there right now.

This may be the stupidest thing I have ever done

Nonetheless, my train for D.C. leaves in 15 hours. Unless I get frostbite or trampled by the throngs, I'll be back on Wednesday night.

Change is coming to America and I am going to be there to witness it. Maybe it is a stupid thing to do, this going to D.C., but it is also one of the coolest things I have ever done. So...there's that!

Whoo! Obama!

Delicious

Today was long and frigid. As I finally walked away from work at 5:30 (that's a 10 hour day for me, mind) I felt defeated and cold, spending both train rides home fighting exhausted tears. A nice reminder that the depression hasn't left me even thought I have felt a bit better.

Anyway, I put this song on when I got home. It's slow and moody, but so amazingly good. It lulled me into an okay place. I'm still sad and tired, but I'm sort of at peace with it.

A Record Year for Rainfall - The Decemberists



One more day of work and then the frenzy begins.

Aren't my internal allergies enough?

1. I have this weird bumpy rash thing on my inner forearms and I have NO idea what from. I just hope it isn't some weird side effect of...that. I mean, rationally I know it isn't, but. Erg. Go away, rash!

2. 4 days till D.C.!!

3. My uterus is trying to kill me.

4. Saturday night I have to go out to a Colombian restaurant with my work "team" and, for once, my stupid supervisor will be there so I can't even bitch about work! I sense a looooot of rum being imbibed.

5. I am still typing to STOP FROM SCRATCHING.

Still don't have an answer

Weird without You

tired
of your circle
around me

tired
of the wait

tear a slot
in my side

feed your
loose
change

though
i'd give you
all i've got
for free

- CAConrad