The world has gone mad

More specifically, the guys around me have gone mad.

Super Tall Guy that I met last Friday at a friend's birthday gathering in Jersey sent me a Facebook message tonight saying how much fun he had talking to me and asking if I would want to meet up and get drinks in the city sometime. I am severely tempted to respond saying, "April Fools, right?"

I can't even BEGIN to explain the complicated mess that is Date R, but he too is apparently smitten.

The world? Officially off it's rocker.

I hate Britney Spears

What does it say that I am more excited about my new haircut than I was about my date last night?

He was nice, and kept up his end of the conversation. He paid, and listened to me, and was very polite and all. He wasn't ugly or bad smelling.

And yet...I am still more excited about my new bangs.

Fail.

Weirdest day ever(?)

Hey, you know what makes for an interesting Saturday?

Spending all morning curled up in bed with your ex-boyfriend (whose house you spent the night at) watching television and snuggling semi-platonically (look, it's complicated) and then having him drop you home so you could get ready for your date later that night.

You know what makes the entire situation even more ridiculous? Coming in to his house last night at 2am and having to make small talk with his mom who was still awake. Oh, and also, falling down the stairs this morning because you hadn't had anything to eat or drink (that wasn't rum) in over 12 hours. Oh yes, I am a magnificent creature.

I accidentally told Ben about the date too and he kept trying to talk to me about it. Sigh. At least I am in no way hungover or else this evening would be looking so much worse. For my sake, I hope this guy can hold a conversation because my life is awkward enough today.

Fishing?

Well, after the absolute atrocity that was Friday night (I really think the lowest I have ever felt was being told by the guy I am crazy about that he "loves me like a sister"), I finally gave in and joined a popular dating website last night.

It was terrifying and hilarious and my results so far are also both terrifying and hilarious. I may not find a new love, but I am going to enjoy this, I think.

Also, I am back on the gym bandwagon. Having a partner in crime really helps get my butt in gear.

Also also, "Arrested Development" is hands down one of the funniest shows ever made.

Still don't have an answer

Weird without You

tired
of your circle
around me

tired
of the wait

tear a slot
in my side

feed your
loose
change

though
i'd give you
all i've got
for free

- CAConrad

A hot complicated mess

"We are really just making this harder for ourselves, aren't we?"

"Yes."

"We just keep making it more complicated."

"Do you want me to stop? I will stand up and walk away right now if you ask me to. So, tell me, honestly...do you want to stop?"

"No."

I used to be afraid of my boobs

Note: This entire entry is TMI. You have been warned.

On January 8th of the year 2000, I began dating a boy. It had taken him almost four months of nightly phone calls and daily group lunches for him to screw up the courage to "ask me out" and it was the most awkward conversation of my life. Earlier that day I had admitted to our joint friend that I liked him too and she couldn't hang up fast enough to go dish with him. And then, then...the phone call. Let's relive it, shall we? -

Scene: My bedroom. I am wearing nothing but a towel, my wet hair dripping down my back and I am running late for my friend's birthday dinner. My mom enters and hands me the phone.

We: *exchange the heys and what's ups of most teenage conversations*
Him: So, Friend F called me earlier and told me...
Me, interrupting: Yeah, uh, I know, she told me she was going to call you...
Him: So, I mean, would you...do you...
Me, interrupting: Oh, I know what you are going to ask. Um, look, I'm running late for Friend S's dinner thing, I think I...can I tell you my answer tomorrow?
Him: Oh, um, yeah, sure, if you need.
Me: Great, bye!

And then we dated for almost 6 years. He was my first love, my first heartbreak and my first...well, you know. It took us over three months to make out, almost a year for me to let him get to second base and I believe I gave him an impassioned speech on afternoon about why I thought oral sex was a horridly disgusting idea and should never be attempted (never say I don't admit when I'm wrong!). It was two years before we slept together. I thought it was scandalous that we fooled around in his car on my weekends home from college. I liked it all, don't get me wrong, but there was always a feeling of, "maybe I'm a skank! Should I not be doing this with him?"

The point of this post? Today I sat down and seriously plotted out a scheme to start booty calling my most recent ex. Who is this woman I've become, scheming for one night stands with mentally unavailable men? And, more importantly, why don't I care? Why am I still so glad to be rid of the 15 year old girl who thought she would get in trouble for kissing her boyfriend with tongue outside of her high school? Thinking devious thoughts about seducing guys shouldn't make me feel empowered, should it?

Food for thought while I talk myself out of texting my ex and telling him how much I want to do all the things to him that my teenage self fled from in terrified disgust. I really just want to take her by the hand and tell her, "There, there. Try it...you'll like it."

And then he bought me a milkshake

Well. As expected, last night was...interesting.

Waking up with my ex-boyfriend wrapped around me may not have been the plan, but I can't say it was unwelcome. Stupid? Sure. Complicated? Absolutely. But damn was it good. So, whatever. I am deciding to just let it be what it was for the moment. In the future, maybe it will mean something. Probably will, actually. But for now, it's something that happened, something I enjoyed way much more than I should have. And I am okay with that.

I am not okay with having gone to bed at 7:30am and waking up at 3:45pm hungover with the spins. Cuddling can only help that so much. Time to hydrate and call it an early night.

Welcome, 2009. It's going to be quite a year.

Three things

1. I am finally done Christmas shopping. Well, for the gifts I need for Thursday anyway.

2. The Holiday (shut up, Leah) has inspired me to get the fuck over Ben already. He doesn't want me and as much as that might tear me up, there is nothing to be done. Time to put on my big girl panties and keep on moving, even if my movement is toward spinsterhood (look, I know it's crazy to say...remember how I need therapy?). ANYWAY, yes. Ben is the one losing in this deal because I would have stood by him through his whole ordeal and he is the one who chose to be alone. So why am I making myself suffer as well?

3. Tomorrow is the last day I have to see No Deal until 2009. This is a very good thing.